I'll hush myself into the wee hours of the morning, thinking of exactly everything I've done wrong. I wish that I never found out about you. I know it's not your fault, but it hurts more than anything I could ever comprehend. Maybe it's just the jealousy that everyone else knows about. I know I wish that you were the person that no one knew about. Instead, it's the exact opposite. Everyone knows you, or atleast thinks they do. Just because they know more about you than you even dare to dream of knowing, that in no way possible gives anyone the right to say they 'know' you. You can crash and burn infront of everyone's eyes, but I will still defend you until my last failing breath, even if I never have enough grace to shake your hand.

The distance has formed oceans between use. Speaking terms have gone long ago. It's hard to understand where everything died so quick. I don't blame you for everything, I couldn't blame everything on you. My insecurities grow strong as they did in the very begining. I'd love to let everything fall on deaf ears, but I can't seem to let it go. I can't seem to let anything go. I was everything I resented, but everything you liked. Does that mean I resent eveerything you've ever liked? I miss the snow covered us. I miss the uncertainty of it all, and messing around with everyone's head, much more our own.

I can never figure it out for myself. I wish I could believe you when you tell me that everything'll work. My back can break over haunching at this computer screen looking at everything you've ever written, not finding any aknowledgement of any exsistant of myself. It's fine, frowns and analogies work both ways.